I'm not so sure it that this is the most surprising thing, but to me it is the most important thing that i learned this week. I got really sick a couple weeks ago and wasn't sure why. I decided to get a little bit more sleep, and that was helping. I wasn't eating as much, but more often, and that was helping. Then I realized some other stuff thanks to the help of my dad. When you are sick it is because of a conflict inside that is needing some solving or you need move forward and are resisting.

I started working full time year round when I was 16 and school went on the back burner. I knew that i needed to finish school, but the at the same time I really didn't enjoy it that much. My Dad helped me realize that going through school is not just about learning what they are teaching, but to learn discipline. I am now 19 years old and finally focusing more on school now.[ I never really stopped school but was going through really slow(i am home schooled).]

On Sunday after I played basketball. I was doing fine but as the evening grew on i ended up with a fever of 103.6 and quite honestly felt like shit. As the night went on my temperature got up to 104.2, I had a terrible head ache, and ended up sleeping on the couch because it helped get rid of the pain. I think I slept a full 4 hours that night and time I had been lying there awake I realized that there were two things that I HAVE TO focus on, while still going and working. Those two things are school, and listening to my body on what to eat, and how much sleep I need. School was easy I am now sitting down 2 hours minimum everyday and getting some done. And then food is pretty easy. What my body needs, taste good to me, what it does not need, really does not taste as good at that time. And then with sleep, I have said good bye to setting an alarm unless I have to be up at a certain time to leave or whatever. I have learned that my body really does know what it needs, so I have decided that I am going to spend more time listening to it.

On Sunday the 13th I didn't think that I was going to be able to go to church because of work, and once I accepted this fact, something happened and i was able to make it. I don't go to a normal Christian church or anything but a Spiritual Center. The Rev. was talking about the Story where Jesus was tempted and the meaning of the story for us.

Here is the story:
Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred. And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.
Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple, And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in [their] hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

She(the rev.) said she was not sure what it meant for us today, but was reading another book and got an answer. In the story Jesus was being tempted to do stuff that was not needed.
1) Turn Rocks into bread. Satan was tempting Jesus to be useful in a way that was not needed.
2)Jump off the Church and have the angels catch him. Jesus was being tempted to show that he was important.
3)Give Jesus all the power in the world, if Jesus would bow down and worship Satan. Jesus understood that this was a power that he didn't need, because God, The Universe, was the only one to worship. And God had all the power already anyway.

What I learned from this is that every time Jesus was tempted he was being tempted to be something that he was not. and It explains why it is said that Jesus was tempted in every way we are, because when you are tempted, it is to be something or someone that you are not.

Thought and meditation. I don't think that I am giving enough time to either one of these. I also think that is is important to give time for them both because they work so close to each other. I have realized in my life if I have a thought, then when I don't take the time to meditate on it it doesn't get me anywhere. I have not been taking the time to meditate every day, and just over the past week or so I have realized how much of a difference it makes in my life.


Thought of the Day:Can you really be happy with what you want if you are not happy with what you have?

The most beautiful thing that I have seen some one do is love. I believe that love is the most beautiful sight ever.

The reason I look within is because every time I do I feel more at peace.  Any time I am feeling down I am always going within through meditation, taking a walk, or even just sitting on the roof listening to the water of the water fountain in the courtyard. I have always been asking myself questions about myself, or about something that happened during the previous day. The only way I am finding the answers is when I go within. I never can find the answer from talking to other people. I can listen to other people to get an idea that will help lead me to the answer, but I have found that The final answer about an issue is from within, not from someone else. I actually have a spirit-human being that will come around in spirit form or human form. and every time he, she or it comes around I am always finding an answer to a question that I have asked myself. Even If I have forgot about the question, everytime the being shows up I am finding an answer. I also believe that this being is part of me, part of my inner being, because it always comes when I am ready for the answer. I have been walking through the mall and see someone  and they will say something to a friend and I will find an answer to a question that I have asked a few weeks before and then this person will just disappear. It was kind of wierd the first couple of times that it happened, but now that I see what is going on I understand that If that happens it is because there is something for me to learn from it. Now anytime this being comes around I am asking it, "What do you have for me today?" And sometimes it is just swinging by to say hi, but other times it is coming with an answer. And most of the time when it is coming with an answer, it is when I am meditating, taking a walk, or sitting on the roof listening to the waterfall in the courtyard.

You have been up a little later than normal here over the past few days. You got an extra day off yesterday that you normally do not get off. Don't be affraid to show your feelings, because they are a good thing. It is ok to think about one other thing while you are working today, But don't let it get up to anymore than two things. When you are finished with your work today don't be affraid to go and chat with people, if you are willing to chat you are going to learn something from the person you chat with.
Go and have A great day today Paul. Love everyone and remember that you are always doing your best.
I love you!

Fear what is that???

I see fear as an illusion, because LOVE is all that really exsist. I find that if I am fearing something or someone then I am not seeing them as their best. If I am loving everyone fully then I am not affraid of them.

One more thought.  To me, Loving unconditionally means that you love the person no matter what, and not fear what they are going to do or what is going to happen to them.

Already 4:45? well I guess it is time to get up since I have to leave early this morning.

Knowing that I am being the best me I can be in this moment motivates me the most.

To me it is very important to know that you are being the best that you can be at that moment. If I do not think that I am being the best I can be I always feel down. When I realize that I am always doing my best at that moment I am happy. I think it is important that you know that you are always being the best you in each and every minute of every day, even if you think that you can do better. It always motivates me to realize that if I am being the best me that I can be at that moment, but that in another moment I may be better than the last, but the moment before that doesn't matter anymore because it already happened and it is not going to happen again.

The Animal that has made the biggest difference in my life is the German shepherd.

When I was about 16 years old I went to church camp. While I was up there, I met a few people from the church that I had seen but never been introduced to. We split up into four teams, and have equal number of team mates. One of the girls that I had never met, kept drawing my eye. It wasn't her beauty, I always thought she was pretty but had never felt any sort of attraction. after about the second day I just kind of forgot about it. The next to last night we were having praise and worship, which was always an hour long, when I broke into tears. Not knowing why I went to the youth pastor about it and he and I went and prayed for a while. He said to pray what was on my heart. I thought I was. Well then that night, while I was lying in bed I hear a voice say to me, "You need to pray from your heart." The next night during praise and worship, as I did all the other nights, I began to pray. right when I started I hear, "From your heart." It was that night that I realized that I actually liked this girl as more than a friend.

I never could come to tell her how I really felt, or for that case any other girl that i ever liked. One day, one of my neighbors called me, about five months later, asking me if I could take care of her German shepherd. I told her that I thought I could, so she asked if we could meet that afternoon. When I went up to meet with her, she gave me the days that I was going to be taking care of her dog. I almost thought it would be a problem when I find out that my family was going to be out of town for three fo those days. we found a way we could fix the problem. It involved this girl that I like helping for those three days. She was more than willing to. The next Sunday we went straight from church to the neighbors house. After we met with my neighbor I found myself telling my friend how I really felt. She seemed a little bit surprised but excepted it even though she did not feel the same for me. I also excepted how she felt, because the important thing to me was that we were both being honest. Now She has a boyfriend, and we are still pretty good friends.

That was a huge step in my life because ever since I was little I was always afraid of what people would think of me, and being told no. I now find that I am more open to telling people how I really feal.